Modesty aside, I used to be a good cook. No, make that a great cook – that was according to my wife.

When she was still with us, and I would be cooking, my dish would always turn out good, if not perfect.. and it was not just my words.

But like what I said, that was when she was still here. Now, I seem to be an alien in the kitchen. I can’t seem to make heads or tails. Really, the kitchen is not my domain.

Easily, I could always ask her before. I would know what to do next, which ingredients to put in, what are the signs that I would be looking for – boiling, smoke, browning, burning… err, how many minutes I mean. Just like having a backseat driver, although it was most welcomed, and much needed.

Sadly, now that she is gone, I can’t seem to remember what to do, how to start, which one to put in first, and what are the ingredients needed in the first place.

Unlike before, everything was already present. All the things that are needed were already at hand, and all I needed to do was just to stretch my muscles and put all the things together.

Of course, I can fry. In fact, this single father has been serving his children fried foods most of the time.  The only soup we’ll have would mostly come from those instant noodles.

I make up for those fried food marathons by taking them out to eat sometimes, so they can eat real foods. But that can be quite expensive, and still, not a good substitute for home cooked meals.

Fortunately for me, my son Ralph knows how to cook. Unlike me, he remembered what his mother taught him, and he isn’t really much afraid taking the risk. He still has a lot to learn though, but definitely he’s far better than his father could ever be in the kitchen.

As for me, I’m still trying to find the resolve to finally take the plunge, because I know I should take charge.

So while, the kitchen is not my domain, for now at least, I definitely will take actions to be a good great cook for my kids… someday… soon… very soon… very, very soon.

Is it a choice? Is it a curse? Staying single, that is.

But things happen. Single men meet women, and as the basic law of magnetism applies, a certain form of attraction is formed. It could be weak, or it could be strong. Nonetheless, a threat to the existence of single fatherhood.

However, when it’s not meant to be, as they say, it’s not meant to be. No matter how stubborn one can be.

Shit happens. And to me it did.

If I can have my way, I would like to remain what I am until the last of my breath – a single father. But fate doesn’t really allow us to decide for ourselves. It loves to play games, and how.

It played it games on me, turning this once focused, child-centered single father into a totally helpless lovestruck individual. And you think, through age, one would be wiser.

I guess, that’s the a price of being a poet-wannabe. You get too much in-touch with your emotions, and you try to feel that feeling that you haven’t really felt for quite a spell. And who wouldn’t like that feeling of being in love?

And then, shit happened.

I could not even tell how, why or when. It just happened. Putting out a flame, even before it started. But it left blisters… burns… scars… pains.

Yet, life has to go on. Three kids to tend to dictate so.

Last night, I made a post in my facebook status which reads: “it’s just me and the kids… like how it should always be…”

And this morning, I was surprised to see that someone “Liked” my post — my eldest son.

Subtle.

The message came ringing loudly to my ear, however. He need not speak. I know what he means. He is my son, after all.

And as I try to get back in focus… to get back on track, I will think of that “Like” and make a conscious attempt to stick to that statement… and stay single forever.

I know there would be distractions along the way, but I was able to survive before, I can do it again… I need no one. I have my kids, and their love is enough.

Personally, I don’t want it. To be honest, it isn’t necessary.

I am only speaking for myself, of course.

In the same way, that there is no reason for me to celebrate Mother’s Day, I do not really need another occasion to remind me what I know I am – a father.

But some pundits thought that if there is a special day for mothers, it should be fair that fathers be given the same accolade, and so there’s Father’s Day.

Really now, who was fighting for equality?

Father’s do not need a special day to be secured of what they are and why they are.

Sure, you just want to have a day to recognize all his efforts and hard work. Fine, I just wish it didn’t have a name, and done anytime of the year. That would have been more sincere.

So, you go out with Dad and eat at his favorite dining place, to celebrate the day. Then there’s 83.56% that he will foot the bill. And it was supposed to be his day. (I just made that stats up, don’t bother verifying it.)

By the way, who drives the car? Well, lucky if junior is already of legal age to get his license. Chances are, it will still be Dad.

Hmm… I’m beginning to sound like the Father’s Day Grouch. Actually, I really don’t mind Father’s Day… I don’t mind at all.

Whether it exists or not.

But it does, and as a father, I can’t help but be part of it.

Is this familiar? Has this happened to you yet?

If you were never married and has been a single father from the start, this would be a rare occurrence, or if ever, it would be just a joke… a punch line.

But if you were married, and all of a sudden you find yourself alone, it is not impossible that it could happen to you.

More than two years since my wife’s demise, I still forget sometimes that I am already alone.

This is most especially true when something exciting happens, something really good came to me during the day. I was excited and I cannot wait to get home to tell my wife the whole story… only to burst my own bubble when I remembered that I have no wife to tell my story to.

You could just imagine how heavy my heart feels when I have something bothering me and I have no one tell it to.

Thanks goodness, I haven’t shouted that line at the door. Not yet, at least.

But the feeling was there… the expectation that someone would be waiting for you at home… and then the frustration… it is no laughing matter.

I managed to get hold of myself. I’m tough. I’m supposed to be.

And I am thankful that I still have the kids waiting for me to get home… and share with them any good news that I bring home.

I am selective though when it comes to the ‘not-so-good’ news.

So it’s Mother’s Day! Now what?!

Do single fathers celebrate Mother’s Day as well? Being the one who also assumes the role to the mother in the house.

Well… yes and no, I guess.

Yes because, who would your children greet when they do not have their mother around? And it’s not really surprising that other people who realize your situation also greet you a Happy Mother’s Day, right?

But that’s as far as the celebration goes… in greetings only.

Seriously now, have you seen a family, with only a father present going out on Mother’s Day?

And what about promos, discounts and freebies given by shopping malls, restaurants, fast food outlets and department stores during Mother’s Day? Can a father approach the personnel concerned and say:

“Excuse me, I am really a single father. Theoretically, I am also play the role of the mother in the house. Can I avail of your promo for this day?”

Expect a wide-eye reaction, at least, for your inquiry.

Actually, I haven’t tried that yet. Maybe I should. I wonder what would be the reaction that I’ll get.

Anyway, while I don’t see the point, I really don’t see anything wrong either. Of a single father celebrating the day with his kids… even if it’s only for the sake of the children.

To all the mothers… and all single fathers included… Happy Mother’s Day!

It’s not easy.

Maybe you think that because you have no one to argue with, life would be easier.

Unfortunately, it is not.

With no one to share your thoughts to, to ask opinion from… and yes, even to argue with, you are on your own.

From the trivial things  to the biggest concerns — you own everything.

The problem with that is you may not now if you are right or wrong. Perhaps, you might think that it is swell because you will always be right. But just because nobody is there to contradict what you have to say, it does not mean that you right.

Sometimes, you are not even sure of yourself, but you know you need to make a decision. Sometimes, you need to take a risk… because you’re on your own.

And then, you will realize… it’s not nice… owning all the decisions.

While single parents are quite common today, single fathers are still a rarity compared to their female counterparts. The first reason being, it is most common that it is the man who abandons thus leaving the woman on her own (and I’m not exactly proud of it).

The second reason is that, single fathers do not really stay as such for long. For a lot of reason, men could not really live on their own for so long. Yes, we can all blame it on our mothers who used to do everything for us – even finding that missing pair of socks.

Another reason for their rarity in existence is perhaps, not many single fathers would admit that they are such. While not all would really deny their status, some, especially the younger ones would readily do so when they are in front of a woman they seem to have their eye on.

Of course, these are not all the reasons, and neither are they absolute. There could be more, and a much deeper explanation for them. These are just what I could recall at the top of my head right now.

This is my first post for my new blog, and  these are what entered my mind. Being a single father for over a year now, being a widower, I wonder there weren’t too many single fathers with whom I can share experiences.

And so this post introduces my new blog, Single Fatherhood, as a take on the life and assume the role of a father and a mother.

This is single parenthood… from a man’s point of view.